You can't see tomorrow with yesterday's eyes

College is a pretty picture and in order to really enjoy it like they've been talking about for years, you've gotta forget all the shitty contingents and just immerse yourself in the pretentiousness of it all.


I'm not lonely anymore but I feel alone; I think I've successfully settled into the cold lack of feeling that is being single (even though I'm supposed to still be with someone at home, someone I still love but can't imagine loving because he's so far away and we have hardly spoken for a while).


Memories resurface and I can't handle the lack of certainty or the narrowmindedness of the situation. I don't want to have to make a decision about anything, but it's myself who's forcing the decision-making. Is it self-important to keep faith in someone else in the face of all their shortcomings?

"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise...
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son"

-If, Rudyard Kipling

you've had too much to think, now you need a wife

[originally for livejournal]

i'm pretty sure now that the human race is the sorriest, saddest piece of filth that has ever been thought of. really, whose idea was it? because it was a really, really shitty one. it's like if stephen king or john irving had the ability to write your life - in fact, to write an entire species into existence. and thought it would be a good idea to make it something like owen meany.

individual contributions to "humankind" are bullshit. all art, every piece of literature or science, everything that human beings think they're certain of and aren't, everything we speculate about without really knowing, is the most pretentious, demeaning, degrading, self-righteous, conceited CRAP i can imagine.

yes, it's a really shitty way to look at things, but the other options are just...worse.

and yeah, i'm aware that by my standards, everything i've just said here is the same bullshit i'm talking about. so don't bother trying to be a smartass by pointing that out to me.

Privyet

Alright, now I have one of these things.